Anonymous asked: mine are 7.50 and 6.25. beat that.
i am so blind that my glasses don’t even have numbers attached to the prescription, or at least, no numbers that can be pronounced with a human tongue. my optometrist gibbers and weeps, pouring more and more glass into the crucible necessary to forge my lenses. ‘oh gods in heaven,’ he cries in agony, his hands blistering with the power necessary to forge my glasses’ frames. ‘oh demons in hell, oh, many angled lords, may any powers listening have mercy on all our souls for what i create here tonight.’
i sit in a chair in the office, my fingers smoothing over magazine pages i cannot— yet—see, and i smile a terrible smile.
ja ja ja ja ja
a spanish person laughing or a german person during sex???
Finnish person struggling to remember what they were about to say next
polish person trying to get themself noticed
portuguese person trying to hush other people
Chinese person trying to do calculations
swedish person wanting to get out of a conversation
A Japanese person trying to end a phone conversation
Is there a word for that occasional moment of self-awareness when reading smut, like where your brain accidentally takes one step back and you realize you are reading really descriptive pornography in your pajamas, while it’s light outside, with a box of Wheat Thins tucked under your arm?
I’m, uh, asking for a friend.
i feel like there should be a german word for this.
alright you guys have posted some pretty bad jokes on here but not one comes close to this doozy
so there’s a far-off place that consists of a perfectly triangular lake surrounded by land, with three kingdoms on the three sides of the lake. the first kingdom is rich and powerful, filled with wealthy, prosperous people. the second kingdom is more humble, but has its fair share of wealth and power, too. the third kingdom is struggling and poor, and barely has an army.
the kingdoms eventually go to war over control of the lake, as it’s a valuable resource to have. the first kingdom sends 100 of their finest knights, clad in the best armor and each with their own personal squire. the second kingdom sends 50 of their knights, with fine leather armor and a few dozen squires of their own. the third kingdom sends their one and only knight, an elderly warrior who has long since passed his prime, with his own personal squire.
the night before the big battle, the knights in the first kingdom drink and make merry, partying into the late hours of the night. the knights in the second kingdom aren’t as well off, but have their own supply of grog and also drink late into the night.
in the third camp, the faithful squire gets a rope and slings it over the branch of a tall tree, making a noose, and hangs a pot from it. he fills the pot with stew and has a humble dinner with the old knight.
the next morning, the knights in the first two kingdoms are hung over and unable to fight, while the knight in the third kingdom is old and weary, unable to get up. in place of the knights, the squires from all three kingdoms go and fight. the battle lasts long into the night, but by the time the dust settled, only one squire was left standing - the squire from the third kingdom.
and it just goes to show you that the squire of the high pot and noose is equal to the sum of the squires of the other two sides
Enough explosions for a superhero movie
Too much ~symbolic speech~ on Clark Kent’s journey of ~~self-discovery
The sheer volume of dead people and property damage makes me wonder if the whole battle was even worth it
Science is important
/insert gif of NO CAPES here
[Personally I don’t think the West has any right to complain about colonialism, even if it’s a former colony AHEM given acts of aggression and neocolonialism but that’s just me]
Reasons Navis Haddson is the Best Character in Dalemark*
*bear with me; he doesn’t get enough fanart appreciation so he at least deserves a list
- you know how there are favorite characters you call “baby” and want to cuddle warmly and protectively and snarl at anyone mean who comes near them, and then there’s the sort of favorite character who’s hand you want to shake and heartfeltly tell them, “Thank you” and then hurriedly leave before they somehow kill you? Navis is the second sort.
- he really loved his wife and he really loves his children and he just rarely shows it because, particularly after his wife died but I suspect his whole life as a defensive mechanism to his family and his life he’s cut himself off from his emotions as much as possible and retreated behind sarcasm and feigned apathy
- yet somehow he managed to raise Hildy and Ynen to be at least ten times better people than anyone else in the family, so idek sorcery
- and the emotional cutoff ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY because he’s always been pretty decent, deep down, so just imagine what it must be like growing up as a decent person but the son of Hadd and younger brother of Harl and Harchad and seeing everything wrong with Holand. you can’t. he’d have broken. got to compartmentalize.
- he also deliberately lets everyone underestimate him and not realize how politically brilliant he is because that’s how you survive in Holand until you’re ready to make your move i.e. flee then return in a couple years with an army
- (I get very emotional about Ynen and Navis because Ynen is also an inherently decent person but he’s been able to preserve that without going all cool because a) Hildy always looks out for him, aggressively, and b) they all left the South)
- we know he’s decent because Mitt trusts him on sight the first time they meet, and Navis sends him home for no political reason whatsoever; just because he sees Hildy in Mitt and it’s the right thing to do
- but by the next time we meet him, his wife has died and he’s smushed the decency and emotions deep down so that almost EVERYTHING he does, even the best things, are a little bit political?
- (The Crown of Dalemark, a.k.a. In Which Keril of Hannart Tries to Play Silly Buggers with Navis Haddson and Loses Very Badly)
- example: Navis has housing built for people forced out of the torn-down tenements because it’s the decent thing to do and it takes the edge off Hadd’s ridiculous selfishness, that the Earl (sort of) is still providing a place for those dispossessed people. And it takes some of the moral high ground away from the Guilds who offered the people room to stay.
- and he pointedly throws Old Ammet and Libby Beer into the water, just as they should be, because he knows otherwise Holand really will rise in revolt, particularly with all the rumors flying about what would happen if the festival didn’t go on. I mean, that’s fucking brilliant PR, that is. Navis is going to handle the press so well, once Alk gets his printing press running.
- also, you know, if Ammet hadn’t been in the water for Mitt and Hild and Ynen to pick up, they would all have died. so. Navis is one of the least mystical people in the books (I can just imagine him and Mitt and maybe Moril running around Dalemark putting out metaphorical and literal fires and sometimes Mitt and Moril have to do Stuff and Navis is just like “don’t even try to explain; I’m fine) But without that politically-motivated finishing of the ceremony, EVERYTHING would have been screwed up.
- and then just all of Crown of Dalemark, from coolly shooting the horse to stealing the cup without touching it (not that it matters; it only shocks Mitt I think) to literally everything he says to Keril in the post-battle scene, like, I cannot pick out a perfect moment of snark because it’s every line.
- he and Mitt treat each other as equals throughout Crown even though Navis is old enough to be Mitt’s father, and that bodes so great for them working together in the future?
- he’s in North Dalemark for ten months and he’s sleeping with an earl’s wife yeeeea
- and they’re really in love too; don’t look at me I have emotions
- Navis is like 500% more competent at everything than anyone else, seriously. Southern efficiency! Often mistaken for ruthless, calculating, coldness!
- JK it’s totally ruthless, calculating coldness, but mix that with a spark of decency and you get a man who’ll help build a fair, just Dalemark because that’s what works best, long-term.
- TL;DR: “That nervous, freckly look of [Maewen!Noreth’s] made you want to do things for her. So you did them. And then trusted to Navis to get them all out of the consequences, Mitt added to himself” (142).